Giggles & Bits: Understanding Engineers

Even if you don’t know any engineers I think you will enjoy this!

Understanding Engineers One:
Two  engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said,  “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well,  I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman  rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and  said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and  said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fitted you, anyway.”

Understanding Engineers Two:
To the optimist, the glass  is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the  engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be..

Understanding Engineers Three:
A priest, a doctor,  and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of  golfers.  The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys?  We must have  been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know,  but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
The priest said, “Here comes the  green-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
He said, “Hello George,  what’s wrong with that group ahead of us?  They’re rather slow, aren’t  they?”
The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes.  That’s a group of blind  firemen.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last  year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group fell silent  for a moment.
The priest said, “That’s so sad.  I think I will say a  special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea.  I’m  going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he  can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Understanding Engineers Four:
What is the  difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical  engineers build weapons.  Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers Five:
The graduate with a  science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an engineering  degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an accounting degree  asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do  you want fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers Six:
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who  must have designed the human body.
One said, “It was a mechanical  engineer. Just look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it was an  electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical  connections.” The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a  civil engineer.  Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers Seven:
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it..
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features  yet.

Understanding Engineers Eight:
An engineer  was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you  kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”  He bent over, picked up  the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss  me and turn me into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one year and do  ANYTHING you want.”
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it  and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the  matter?  I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with  you for one year and do anything you want.  Why won’t you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer.  I don’t have time for a  girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

♥ TTFN ♥

 

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5 thoughts on “Giggles & Bits: Understanding Engineers

  1. Those were great, so funny, thanks! Here’s an old one I remember:

    On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

    The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.

    Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly says, “Hey, I see what your problem is …”

    Vicky

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