I figured something out about myself. I knew it in my brain, long before this week, but I just was not getting it. Until I saw the pattern in my day-timer.
I need to slow down. I need to give myself the permission to slow down.
I spend all day plowing along (as quickly as I can) to get things done ASAP. So I can have some time to devote to myself, my puppy, and my novel. HA! No matter how quickly, and efficiently I make progress – the day is over before I knew what happened and now it’s time to fix dinner. I’m too tired to get involved with anything else, except getting pajamas on and going to bed.
My Day-timer has a to-do list for today, and one of the items is “bunny faces”. Yesterday was “cut out bunnies”. Now that I have a stack of bodies and ears I want to embroidery their faces before sewing them together. Well actually, between calls to my health insurance company about a claim, digging in the file for hubby’s important papers, planning menus for the week, and designing a flyer hubby can post in town to sell firewood. OH! and don’t forget the spring cleaning I need to finish.
All those “in between” things are not even on my day-timer schedule. I’m going to start making appointments in my day-timer with my novel. I do many other things on my computer, so I need to FOCUS and only work on my neglected book when scheduled. It sounded pretty structured and stressful, until I had an epiphany this morning.
The bottom line is I can’t focus on my writing because of guilt. Or should I say GUILT. It is so obvious and in my face, that I could not see it. I would not, in good conscience, prioritize writing over other tasks on my schedule. My novel was last on my list of things I needed to do. It wasn’t critical or urgent to work on, like paying bills, grocery shopping and volunteer work is. Right?
NO! Just because something is important to (only) me, doesn’t mean I’m neglecting my duties when I make time to do it. Writing is my “pursuit of happiness” – much more than a hobby or pastime. To me.
So, please excuse my messy house, and leftovers in the fridge. I’ve given myself permission to finish my novel.
Before I am dead.
♥ TTFN ♥